simple google analytics, seo plugins wanted…

I am looking for a simple SEO plug-in and google analytics plug-in that I would like to install and forget about it. I do not want to make custom words or what ever or make any sort of modifications to my content to bring my site up in the rankings. I just want to install one so I have it. I do not want to make daily maintenance and look it over every half hour to check if it is working. I just want a plug-in that will tell me my web analytics and bring me as high as possible in the google rankings with my existing content. I am not a programmer, I do not want to be one and I do not want to waste my time with this. In fact when I look at code it gives me headache. Can anyone tell me a simple plug and play sort of plug-in that actually works, if there is such a thing. I have been looking up and down under Plug-ins/Add New all day and my head is spinning looking at all of the information.

I especially hate when it asks me to upgrade for certain amount of $$ later after installation. If I want to pay I would have looked for a paid version in the first place and I think it is obnoxious to let us know about what you are not getting after you finish installing. Who ever started that practice is pretty annoying.

Thanks,