If you want different links in the two menus, then I don’t think either Exclude Pages or Page Lists Plus will get you there.
To specify which pages appear in your top menu without losing the button states, try replacing the <?php art_menu_items(); ?>
function call in your header.php theme file with this:
<?php
$page_list = wp_list_pages('title_li=&sort_column=menu_order&echo=0&include=1,2,3');
$page_list = preg_replace('<code><a(.+)</a></code>', '<a$1</span></span></a>', $page_list);
$page_list = preg_replace('<code><a(.+)"></code>', '<a$1"><span><span>', $page_list);
echo $page_list;
?>
Replace “1,2,3” with a comma-separated list of the IDs of the pages that you’d like to include there.
For your sidebar, this should do if you want to specify which pages do appear there:
<?php wp_list_pages(title_li=&sort_column=menu_order&include=1,2,3); ?>
Alternatively, use this to specify which pages don’t appear there:
<?php wp_list_pages(title_li=&sort_column=menu_order&exclude=1,2,3); ?>
Hope that works. Let us know how you get on.
– Tim